grateful

learning being to be content and grateful for what God has provided for us has been a constant theme for me since the beginning of our marriage. the first year of marriage gregg and i were a part of a small group from church that was made up of other newly married couples all within a few years of our age. during that first year of our group meeting, every couple purchased a home but us. at the time, i really struggled with it. i really struggled with feeling like we should be able to do the same. it never even occurred to me that i was acting entitled until driving home from work one day. i had just finished a particularly emotionally draining workshop with young women on healthy relationships. it was something i had done plenty of times before, but there was one girl in the group who shared an absolutely heart wrenching story. it was heart breaking and tragic and a slap of reality for me. i had been GIVEN so much, so much that i haven't earned and that i truly do not deserve, so why was I whining to God (and poor gregg..) about something we didn't even need. i would love to say my ungratefulness over the house situation immediately went away but it was a starting point. it was the start of learning to be content in all circumstances, learning to not compare our life to others, learning to be grateful for what has been given to us and provided to us instead of always focusing on how to get the next thing we "need". it took a few years, or five, but God brought me to a place of contentment with our life in an apartment-even with 2 kids :) and it was at that point that the doors to getting into our current home just flew open unexpectedly and really without much effort or seeking of our own.

all that to say, discontentment and ungratefulness have been creeping back into my heart lately and i don't like it. i have found myself having little pity parties over our inability to do and have things that are far from necessary. things like vacations, visiting out of state family and yes, sadly, even buying a minivan for our growing family. (side note, it is harder for me to admit that i am sad about NOT being able to own a minivan than i am about an ungrateful heart. seriously, it is.) all those things would be HUGE blessings but aren't things that we need. instead, they are things that only privileged people get to cry over not having. only those people who have all other needs met have time to focus on being discontent about their lack of a kid-wagon or trip to the beach. so, i've been praying that God would just change my heart and once again, grow gratefulness in it.

¹¹ Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ¹² I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. ¹³ I can do all things through him who strengthens me." phil 4

on that note, here are a few things that i have been so grateful for lately...

starting with our backyard

ohmygoodness, a backyard is a game changer with kids. we had adjusted to apartment walks and daily trips to the playground in the past, but with 2 small children nothing is nicer than being able to open the back door and let them run out.

leggings. i have rediscovered the joy of leggings at 7.5 months pregnant. wonderful is all i have to say. no picture necessary.

and...

this chai tea latte mix. i had it for the first time at a friend's house a couple weeks ago and immediately went out to buy it the next day. it's so good. i have a decaf and caffeinated version in my fridge right now. i prefer it iced but hot is an option too.

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