finding joy

i haven't really talked about it, and i think i've just recently realized it, but i've been in a kind of depressed, lonely place lately. it's a weird thing because the more into it i get, the less i want to actually be around other people..which obviously creates more loneliness and depression. and when i say "depressed" i don't mean that i'm clinically depressed or spending my days crying or feeling in despair..but it is just that i'm finding myself feeling a sense of apathy and boredom about my days. i've been here before in life but it's been awhile. i haven't truly felt lonely since that year we spent in ft. worth. that was a hard year for me..new city, trying to make friends, grad school, 1st baby...it was a lot and when i think back on that year i just remember feeling lonely. a lot. i remember spending day after day in that tiny, tiny duplex with a tiny baby just wishing i could find one "mom" friend who would get how hard those first few months as a parent are. when we moved back to austin that haze of loneliness lifted almost immediately and i haven't felt it since..until lately and i don't know why. i have more close friends now than i have since college. i have more people that i can call at any point to hang out, talk, pray, eat with.

i read this blog post tonight that one of the pastor's wives at our church wrote about fighting for joy in our daily lives. i don't know when i haven't struggled with finding joy in my everyday life but reading that post tonight encouraged me to fight a little harder and remember where joy comes from. thankfully,  it does not come from perfectly behaved kids, comfortable bank accounts, or reaching a goal weight.

"satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." psalms 90:14