tucker's birthday

tomorrow, tucker is one whole month old. the weeks seem to fly by in a blur of cuddling, diaper changing and feeding but we love our sweet baby boy. i thought it may be a good idea to write out a few things that i remember from tucker's birth. with it being a planned c-section there wasn't much surprise involved by i still want to remember the details.

i was fairly open with the concerns i had about having a second child. the first few days of abbey's life were met with utter exhaustion and endless crying (by both her and i!). 20 hours of labor followed by a c-section made for a rough start that i think had something to do with me not feeling bonded to her right away. it was hard for me to see past the blur that exhaustion and pain medication left me in order to really grasp that i had a child. by the time abbey was 2 months old though i was completely taken with her and really knew and felt like she was my child. so, i say all of that to say that i was very concerned that i would have the same experience with tucker but only more so since i already had another child that needed my time and had my heart.

gregg and i checked into the hospital at 5:30am on the 17th and were guided to a room where i started to get ready for surgery. nothing too exciting went on here other than me passing out when the nurse started my IV and drew my blood. i can't say it shocks me that i passed out-it's not completely unusual for it to happen to me when blood is taken. the nurse told me before she did it "you may feel like you are going to pass out but i promise you won't." um, well i did. this is one of the many times having a nurse husband really comes in handy because he was the one that decided to lower my bed and give me oxygen-not my nurse. anyway, aside from that, everything went as planned and at 7:15 they were wheeling me to the OR. the whole experience of actual surgery was pretty similar to the last except that i was much more aware this time. i was surprisingly calm about the whole thing which i know is nothing less than an answer to prayer. they got the spinal in (not painful but not comfortable either) and tucker was born at 7:49. during both pregnancies i had this fear way in the back of my mind that something was going to be wrong with our baby. when i heard tucker cry for the first time i was flooded with relief, gratitude and this overwhelming, instantaneous feeling that he was my child. i think it was that instant feeling of knowing him as mine that made me the most emotional.

after they brought him to me to hold (which btw is pretty awkward to do when laying flat on your back) for a few minutes, tucker and gregg went to the nursery until i was done with surgery. the nursery later called the OR to tell me that he weighed 7lbs 3 oz and was 18 3/4 inches long. i was really shocked by his size-i expected him to be much longer than that and even a little heavier. i was SO pleased with what i did not feel this time around. i had no idea when they were done where as last time i felt every distinct movement-no pain but just movement-of the in & out sewing up part. not pleasant. overall, the experience with tucker in the hospital was night and day to what it was with abbey. i think knowing what to expect and coming in fully rested made a big difference. at one point, i remember holding him and telling gregg how different i felt this time around-how i really did just want to hold him and how i really did feel so much love for him immediately.

i am so grateful for the faithfulness of God-for hearing my pleas during my entire pregnancy that i would feel an instant love and bond to my son. that i wouldn't miss any weeks/months of his life just trying to survive without stopping to love and appreciate what a blessing he is. don't get me wrong, the nights and days can be rough but in the midst of it i am able to hold my baby and know he is mine, to feel that overwhelming love that took months to find last time and that is more of a blessing that i could ever articulate.

if you gave up reading this i won't mind. i just want to be able to look back and remember as much as possible about that day because the time goes by so incredibly fast.