sometimes, it just feels SO hard. i go to bed at night going over all the ways i failed my kids that day. all the times i raised by voice, over reacted, made up some stupid consequence that didn't really apply and disciplined out of frustration and annoyance. it seems like the thing in our lives that brings us so much joy and fulfillment can also leave us feeling so inadequate and exhausted.
when i start to feel this way, i try to refocus and remember that at the end of it all, i am really not the most important person in my children's lives. that i am not the deciding factor that all their future happiness and stability hinges upon. and man, i am SO grateful for that. i am so grateful that the well being of my children doesn't rest on my ability to parent them well but on Christ's ability to redeem and restore. i will always fail, no matter how much i don't want to or how hard i try to love well, i will always make mistakes. but God. whew. but He is always faithful. and when i remember that, i can breathe a little bit easier. when i remember that, i feel a new sense of freedom to love and parent my kids the ways that i know how, trusting that i'm not doing it alone.
it can all feel so hard sometimes and that's okay. the hard things in life are often the things that are the most worthwhile and important. parenting is by far the most relentless call to selflessness that i have ever faced. it is by far the most refining experience and the thing that pushes me towards to Jesus every single day. every single day i need Him to come after me and redeem my heart and point me towards Him. every.single.day.
a month or so ago a good friend sent me this article and when i read it, it felt like a breath of fresh of air. if you are struggling with living up to that "good mom" in your head, i would encourage you to read it to. and re-read it as often as needed.
No comments:
Post a Comment