Monday, June 23, 2014

"return, o my soul, to your rest..."

(i wrote this a few days ago, during a long and sleepless night...)

this verse is speaking volumes to me right now. it's one of those times when i feel as though God purposed me to read it at just the right time.

there has been a whirlwind of pain, suffering and loss around me lately. People I love dearly are walking through some of the hardest and darkest times. this past week it sort of all came to a head and i found myself struggling to believe that God even entertains our prayers. i am fighting to push back the lie that He doesn't hear our prayers and cries for help; fighting to shut down the voice that tells me to despair and not even pray because He already has a plan in mind and my prayers won't change it.

tonight i was mindlessly scrolling through pinterest like i do most nights before bed, when i came across a scripture pinned by my cousin. it was psalms 116:2; "because He has inclined his ear to me, therefore i will call on Him as long as i live." as i read it, i got this image in my head. lately tucker is doing this new thing when he is asking for something he isn't sure he is going to get. he tilts his head to the side and speaks in this small, quiet voice.."mommy, please can i have some cookies? please?" usually, i can't hear him when he uses this voice. i have to stop what i'm doing, get down on my knee, put my face close to his and to ask him to repeat himself.

that's what i felt like God was doing when i read this verse. it felt like God was taking my face in His hands, turning me towards Him and saying "see, haven't I told you that I hear you? that your heart cries matter me to me? do not doubt me, I am constant. I am never changing and I cannot lie." i opened up my bible to read the whole passage and saw this scripture that i had highlighted years ago in verse 7 "return o my soul to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you." it was then, as i started to repeat these verses out loud, that i was able to see so clearly that the urge to question God's regard for our prayers was a lie from satan. I know it can sound "crazy Christiany" to talk about satan lying to us, but the thing is, he does. he does and if we pretend that he doesn't we are putting ourselves in a dangerous place.

of course God has heard my prayers and the prayers of those dear to me over the past few months. of course He inclines His ear to listen to us. tonight i felt Him directing me to His words of truth. reminding me that my soul and heart can find rest Him. He has dealt bountifully with me. He has given me life, breath and an eternal hope.

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