Thursday, May 24, 2012

new mercies

"the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every 
morning; great is Your faithfulness." 
lamentations 3:22-23

i have been struggling with abbey lately. i don't know when it started but i realized yesterday that i couldn't remember the last time when i'd had day with her that didn't just feel HARD she has been boycotting naps more and more lately and when that happens the days go down hill fast. she is cranky because she still needs the sleep and i'm cranky because i still need somewhat of a break during the day. she has been pushing boundaries more and more and i feel like all i do is discipline her all day long. it's exhausting. it's relentless. it's hard for me to find joy in my relationship with her when we get to that place.

"look mommy, i'm like a baby!"
i found myself laying in bed last night silently begging God for a good day with her today. begging Him to teach me how to respond to her behavior in a way that glorifies Him and points her heart to His. God is so gracious and so faithful. Today was the best day we have had in weeks. I am realizing that I am so selfish with my time and focus too much on doing things that I want to do rather than on really being with her. so today we played in the playroom for a long time,  we played outside in the sandbox, we went to the playground, we had lunch together at home and she took a THREE hour nap. yes friends, the girl who boycotted naps four days in a row took at THREE hour nap today. she was exhausted and she woke up in the sweetest mood.

i'm so thankful for today. i'm so thankful for how gracious God is to me when i am so often selfish and undeserving. i'm so thankful that He hasn't abandoned me with these two little humans to figure out on my own. but instead He is continually using them to refine the ugliness of my heart.

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