Thursday, September 16, 2010

it's no secret to anyone who knows me that i've spent the majority of my life being controlled by food. what i ate, didn't eat, the amount of calories taken in vs. amount expended were always playing in the back of my mind. whether i was "good" or not totally determined the way i felt about myself on any given day. it's a miserable miserable way to live.

over the past couple of months i've started to notice a shift in my way of thinking. i can't really pin-point when it started to happen but all of the sudden i'm realizing i'm not analyzing all my food intake, mentally adding up calories all day or spending an hour agonizing over whether to have a cookie or not. i still make it a goal to choose healthy foods when i have the option and to only eat when i'm hungry (which, lets be honest, is a struggle!) but it doesn't control me like it use to. if i eat enchiladas for dinner one night or decide to have 2 cupcakes on a random occasion just because they taste really really good-i don't feel like a disgusting failure and i don't feel the need to deprive and berate myself the following the day. i am still a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and i'm really okay with that. i am realizing that this new found freedom is so much more enjoyable than wearing my old favorite pair of jeans ever was. i'm sure i'll still have days when i feel down about my weight but i'm hoping, really hoping, that i'm finally getting free from the grip food has always had on my life.

2 comments:

-s said...

In the last year, I have experienced the same thing. Very occasionally I'll get down about it, but I find if I exercise regularly, and just focus on being healthy, I never feel guilty when I splurge. Most times I even chose anything that is natural, organic, or raw over what is labeled "light" or "low fat". I think that is the key too, eating REAL food and not stuff that has been altered to be the light version of real food. The way I see it, I don't eat dairy or gluten or meat, so if I limit myself anymore, I might as well just starve. I'm never going be super skinny, and I may have to work out an hour plus a day to stay a size ten, but I feel pretty good about myself and even better that I can really enjoy food without any psychological leftovers.

Brit said...

I've become the same way. Its nice. I like it. Enjoying it. Still want to be back to my pre Noah weight, I am confident that it will happen but when it happens I'm not too concerned about.