Tuesday, May 18, 2010

i was always an overweight child. always. i didn't move out of the "overweight" category until the summer between my sophomore and junior year of high school (and i did that in a very unhealthy way). i remember looking out the sliding glass doors into our giant backyard as a kid and thinking " i wish that i could just run around the backyard and loose 10lbs every time i make a circle around." i started thinking this at about the age of 8. an 8 yr old should not be thinking about needing to loose 10lbs. an 8 year old should not be keeping a food diary, trying to track every calorie they take in and writing critical notes to themselves about how "bad" they were for eating cheetos or a cookie. unfortunately, that is pretty much how my entire life has gone. for as far back as i can remember i have always been very aware of what i ate and what size i was and was not.

i do NOT want abbey to grow up this way. last night abbey was being fussy so i was carrying her around the house, pointing things out to her just try to get her attention and entertain her. i came to some pictures of gregg and i that we had taken last april-right after we found out we were expecting abbey. i am about 7-10lbs heavier now than i was in those pictures. when i came to the picture, i pointed to it and said "that's mommy and daddy, you may not
recognize mommy because she was skinny there." i didn't think much about it at the time, but later when i was laying in bed, i thought about how i must be careful to not say things like that to her-not even now at just 6 mths old. it is okay for her to see me working out and eating healthy. it is not okay for her to learn how to be critical of herself, to point out her flaws, dwell on the scale or base the way she feels about herself on whether or not she's eaten a cookie or worked out on a particular day.

i have a feeling it's going to be harder than i realize to teach her to have a healthy attitude about herself when i'm still struggling to have one of my own. maybe we can learn together. maybe this will the opportunity and chance i've needed for the past 21+ years to finally learn to stop being so critical and start appreciating what and who i am.


Carey said...

girl, i completely echo everything you just said. i had (and still struggle with) a pretty poor image of myself, but i refuse to bring that baggage into my daughter's life. i want to raise her knowing God's wonderful thoughts of who she is, based not on this world's values. i think it is best not to even give a voice to the thoughts in our heads sometimes--and especially now so they don't hear it. i'm trekking with you on this!

Kathy Bonafede Ormont said...

Jen- I just want you to know, that you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm glad that you are going to raise Abbey to have a healthy self image. It's so important for kids, but especially little girls. Hope to see you sometime before our kids turn 1. ;o)