Thursday, February 4, 2010

accountability

i really need some accountability in just about every area of my life right now. i feel like my head has been a fog the last few months and i'm just sort of doing what is absolutely necessary that i do and just the bare minimum at that. i am starting to finally see this but i am struggling to stay motivated to change it. i am really struggling in this way with school, my spiritual life and being healthy.

school has only been going on for a couple of weeks and i am just having the hardest time getting going again. i am just doing whatever i can get by with to survive right now and in about a month that's going to really come back to get me. i haven't been reading much of anything and i'm waiting until the last minute to do most of assignments.

when i say "being healthy" what i'm really saying "losing weight and working out". UGH. tying to lose weight and stay at an acceptable weight is the story of my life. i HATE it and so i've been avoiding it and just complaining about none of my clothes fitting me instead. i have about a thousand excuses (most of them revolve around having a baby) but really, i have time to work out and i can definitely make an effort to eat better. i did get a workout in yesterday while abbey napped so that's something i guess but i really feel like i could benefit from having someone to work out with. the problem is (see-excuses!) that i rarely have the ability to leave the house to work out. not sure anyone will want to come over and do my videos with me!

oh my spiritual life is really hurting right now. i haven't actually sat through church in about 6 weeks (i spend most of the service in the nursery feeding abbey or keeping her quiet) and i seriously can't remember the last time i sat down and read my Bible for a non-school related reason. that is just painful to admit. what is even worse is that i have realized this for awhile but again, cannot seem to make myself do anything about it. this is where some serious accountability would come in. i have never had anyone SERIOUSLY hold me accountable for staying on top of this and i desperately need it now-more that i ever have before i believe.

ugh. just thinking about all of this is overwhelming. maybe that's why all i want to do is sleep when i have free time.

2 comments:

Brit said...

jen, just do one thing at a time. when u can work out, work out. you've always been one to eat healthy, so im sure there are no real worries there. & God knows your dilemmas so your good, just read the bible to abbey and worship during the day with her when u can! im sure she'll love it! love you!

Brittany said...

I am here if you want an 'email accountability buddy' :) I love you so much girl! You look JUST beautiful~ can't hardly believe you had sweet baby Abbey such a short time ago. Night!