Friday, December 18, 2009

sweet husband

having a baby changes everything. you hear that from everyone but you can't possibly understand it until you are living it.

abbey's arrival has brought gregg and i so much closer. i think a new baby can either wear at a marriage or make it stronger, and we have fought hard to make it the latter for us. i have been surprised by how much i feel like i miss gregg. he is here all the time when he's not at work but i still have that feeling of missing him. we don't have the time together like we have been used to for the past 2.5 years and for the first week after abbey was born we were sleeping in separate beds/rooms because i couldn't get into the bed and we go to bed a different times now on most nights. i just miss him. we have learned very quickly that we have take advantage of ANY time we happen to have together while abbey is sleeping-even if it's just 5 mins of sitting on the couch together. my hope is that this will get easier as she gets older but i don't know if that's realistic. of course we love abbey and are so grateful for her, but all of this has made me even more grateful for my sweet husband. i truly could not have survived the hospital experience and 1st week after without him and i'm pretty sure i couldn't make it right now without him. just something about him being next to me makes me feel like everything is going to be okay and gives me confidence to keep going.

this new mom thing is wonderful but it is also really really hard and really exhausting. i have found myself feeling very anxious at times-usually in the evenings in the 5-7 time frame. i hope this doesn't last long. anxiety issues are no stranger to my family and i am praying they don't become a part of my life as well. the thought of the nights just feels overwhelming, when in reality, it's not that bad. when i'm actually getting up at night and feeding abbey it doesn't feel overwhelming or all that bad-but the anticipation of it does for some reason. i am also really exhausted by 5-7pm every day so i'm sure that has something to do with it. regardless, i am finding i need all the encouragement i can get and gregg is certainly amazing at providing that.