anticipation is the hardest

i can't sleep tonight. too much thinking going on. these are times when i really shouldn't blog. when i will more than likely go back and delete whatever ends up getting posted tonight. i'm hoping it at least leads me to sleep.

in 3 days we will wake up bright and early to check into the hospital at 5:30am for a 7:30am c-section for tucker's arrival. in SO many ways i am SO very ready for the next 3 days to come and go. i am ready to see our baby. ready to see if we get lucky with a red head. ready for this next phase in our life to get started so the adjusting can begin. but, this is our 2nd time around the newborn, c-section bend. we know what to expect now. we know what surgery and recovery is like. we know what those few days in the hospital are like. we know what those first months of sleeplessness and exhaustion and complete loss of everything normal and routine is like. we KNOW. tonight i can't decide if knowing makes it easier or harder. at the moment, i am leaning towards harder. going in to be induced at 41 weeks with abbey i had no anxiety. i wasn't nervous or worried-i was ready. after hour and hours of labor when i heard the word "c-section" i wasn't nervous at all. not even for a second. i was ready. i can't say i will be that calm thursday morning at 7:00am. i have no idea how i will respond to not being able to hold abbey when she comes to the hospital..or how i will respond to being away from her for an entire week while we are in the hospital and recovering those first few days at home with her at my parent's house.

all in all, i'm ready for next week at this time. i am ready to be posting pictures of tucker and recanting our experience of thursday. anticipation is the hardest.

prayers are very much welcomed and appreciated.