Sunday, May 9, 2010

on motherhood

i was one of those people that seriously questioned whether i wanted to be a mother or not, but somewhere in the back of my mind i always knew i'd end up one. there was an extended phase in my young adult life (including the time in which i got married) when i truly didn't think i was meant to have biological children. not that i believed there was any physical barrier preventing me from having a biological child but i just felt so strongly about adoption that it seemed to overpower any desire to have a biological child.

and then i turned 26. now, i know 26 isn't old but there was something about crossing over into that "late 20s" range that made me stop and think. what if we regretted never having a biological child? what if we were in our late 30s and decided we should have one and then couldn't? how terrible to have a regret like that. so around Christmas time a year and half ago we decided to stop not trying to get pregnant. 9 weeks later i was pregnant. NINE weeks. the moral of that story-make sure you are ready when you stop not trying to get pregnant. you just never know.

and, as cliche as it sounds, now that i have abbey in my life i can't imagine not having her around. i obviously still remember what life was like without her (but maybe one day those memories will fade..) but i just could never ever have anticipated how much love and joy she would bring into my life. there are just no words to describe it. none. every time i think about her sweet little face i smile and just want to squeeze her. i am so incredibly grateful for the gift God has given us in having her join our lives and i look forward to growing our family through adoption and any other way God has in store for us.

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