Monday, December 29, 2008

what now?

gregg and i ask each other this about 10 times a day. "what now? what to do?"

often our marriage reminds me of what marriage would be like if two 6 year old children were allowed to marry each other. i'm a little worried about what our child will be like and their ability to entertain themselves. i've never been one that could just sit still and be content. i'm definitely not all that active but i also have a really short attention span. my lovely friend samantha once described it this way: "jen, you have the attention span of a two year old on crack". it's pretty true and if i'm bad-gregg's about 10x worse.

so i've been growing restless lately-actually not just lately for about the last 8-10 months. restless mostly with my "career" situation (whatever that means) and my lack of any real direction. i've been blessed with a job i actually like and don't dread going to and i absolutely appreciate that so much. after spending nearly 3 years in jobs that drove me insane and that made me dread daylight; i am so grateful for what i currently have. i daily list the things about my current work that i am grateful for and enjoy, as well as the list of things that i hope it will eventually lead to. usually when i start to get restless about work it almost always goes back to money. i'm restless because i want to work full time, i want to make more money so we can buy a house, so we can have a savings, so we can have a better shot at adopting one day, so we can start a family, etc etc etc. i'm slowly beginning to understand that our ability to do anything of things has NOTHING to with my ability to find a "better" job, it has nothing to do with my ability to do anything for that matter. it's not as if we have what we currently have because we've earned it; we have what we currently do because God has decided to bless us with it and the ability to work how we currently do.

all of that say, i'm trying and praying and learning to be content. i'm also learning that i need to pursue God's plan for my life more. i think about all the time i spent praying for a husband and a marriage when i was single. i really spend so little time in comparison praying asking God what He would have me to do with my life from this point.

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